Monkey’s Paw Trade: Patrik Laine for Pierre-Luc Dubois

A frigid winter night in Winnipeg. Patrik Laine looks up into the cold, clear night sky and whispers his fondest wish to the stars. “Please get me out of this frozen craphole.”

Meanwhile, 1,200 miles southeast and one spot down the 2016 NHL Entry Draft order, Pierre-Luc Dubois yearns for the same thing. “I hate Columbus so much,” he murmurs into his pillow. “I wish I were someplace, anyplace else.”

A strange confluence of yearning! The hockey gods are intrigued! Lo, but they are also spiteful and cruel. They laugh wickedly — then grant both wishes by plucking each unhappy young superstar from his wretched circumstances… and depositing him in the other’s, Freaky Friday style! It is a cruel mockery of wish fulfillment! These guys are both screwed!

One disgruntled player escapes the second-crummiest NHL city and lands in the crummiest. The other achieves the inverse. Which is which? It’s impossible to tell. But hear their woeful tale and be warned: Be specific when entreating the fates!

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